


Clarity

by sometimesafangirl



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, LiveJournal Prompt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-30
Updated: 2015-05-19
Packaged: 2018-02-27 15:24:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 46
Words: 20,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2697833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sometimesafangirl/pseuds/sometimesafangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first set of 50 different stories using the topics from 1fandom (http://1fandom.livejournal.com/300.html). Topics will not necessarily be in order, but the stories will be in chronological order.</p><p>Spoilers up through the mid-season finale. This is just my own little au type thing before 4B.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blind (22)

How many times had Emma watched that video? How many times did she stare at the screen, rewinding, and pressing play only to torture herself again? It wasn't going to change. She knew it wasn't going to change. And yet each time she hit that rewind button, she hoped that the next play through would be completely different. That none of it would be real. That the reason she didn't have any memories of that time with that particular foster parent was because it never happened.

But each time she rewound it and played it again, it only made it more real, and it stung each time knowing that she had purposely been blinded to this. 

She wasn't even really sure how much time had passed when Killian pried the remote out of her hand and pushed the power button. "Stop doing this to yourself, love." He murmured and lifted his hand to her chin, forcing her to turn her gaze away from the screen. "Look at me."

Emma blinked a few times, as if she had been pulled out of some sort of trance by that. She looked at Killian, at the worry that creased his brow, and the conflict that stormed in those blue eyes. She lifted her hands to his cheeks, though her fingers trembled slightly, in an attempt to calm whatever was going on in his head. It didn't even occur to her that her anguish was the cause of his. He had given her a similar look when she let him sift through her box of memories, but she had thought that was because of the picture of Neal.

"We will figure this out together, hm?" He turned his head and kissed one of her palms, nuzzling it lightly before he turned to look at her again, not once moving enough for her hands to lose their contact with him. "But please don't torment yourself any further."

She blinked back a few tears and managed a little nod, allowing her arms to come around his neck, tucking herself there and absorbing whatever comfort and warmth he could give off. She relaxed a bit when his arms encircled her. "Okay." She whispered.


	2. Place (37)

They spent most of the trip back to Emma's apartment in silence. Emma wasn't totally sure what Killian was thinking, but he kept stealing glances at her, the concern from earlier in the evening making its way back to his eyes. Maybe he wanted to say something to comfort her but didn't know what to say in a situation like this. Not that she could blame him, since it was a crappy and complicated situation to begin with.

They continued to sit in silence even as she pulled the bug to a stop and sank back against the seat. She turned her head to look at him. She wanted to tell him she would be okay, but she wasn't entirely sure she could promise that. So she reached up and let her fingers slide along a few strands of his hair by his ear. "Killian..."

He turned to face her, his eyes searching hers. "Hm?" 

She really did want to reassure him, but instead she shook her head a little and offered him a shaky smile. "Thank you for helping me through that."

He shrugged his shoulders. "You don't have to thank me for spending time with you for whatever reason, but you're welcome." He smiled a little.

This was one of those times where she really would have liked her own place. Right now she needed comfort, but she also wanted to comfort, and sitting curled up together on your parents couch wasn't really a viable option. It wasn't like she could bring him up to the bed, either, even if Henry wasn't home. So instead she leaned over and gave him a soft little kiss, barely brushing her lips against his. That would have to do for now.

"Let me walk you up hm?" He whispered, not pulling away so their lips moved against each other.

"No. It's ok..." She looked at him and kissed him again. "If you walk me up, I'll want you to come in, and that's not a good idea right now."

"Why not?" But before he even really finished the question, his eyes widened for a moment as understanding came over him, and he chuckled slightly. "You're right. It's not a good idea."

Emma felt a little better hearing him laugh like that. It was comforting knowing that things weren't so dire that neither of them could find something light-hearted in all of it. "Goodnight, Killian." She kissed him again before she nudged him to get out of the car, following suit and smiling briefly at him before she turned and headed inside.


	3. Unknown (28)

"You'll wear a hole in the floor if you keep pacing like that, love." Killian said as he leaned on one of the desks.

Emma shook her head and just kept going back and forth, biting her lip a little as she worked out a whole set of questions in her head. No matter what happened today, it definitely wasn't going to go well, and that worried her. Of course it worried her. She really just wanted things to settle down, but with the Snow Queen, it was pretty much impossible. And now that there was this video, Emma didn't feel very sure of anything. 

"What's got you so wound up, hm?" Killian reached out and grabbed her arm when she passed him, causing her to whirl around and face him. "Talk to me, Swan."

Emma sighed and bowed her head a little. "I know I should show everyone the video. I mean they're already on their way, but what if it's a horrible idea? What if I shouldn't say anything?"

He arched a brow and pulled her a bit closer. "You were so set on it ten minutes ago when you told everyone to come in, so what's this really about hm? This isn't because you don't remember any of this, is it?"

She shook her head and leaned into him, resting her forehead against his shoulder and closing her eyes. She relaxed marginally when his hand moved up her arm and rubbed a little, but that didn't really do much to ease the litany of questions that was making her doubt her decision. "What if this hurts them?" She whispered. 

"You're worried about your parents..." Killian sighed and tilted his head enough for his cheek to rest against the top of her head. "You're afraid that seeing you as a young lass will cause them pain because they weren't there?"

Emma's head nodded only slightly, and she wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling herself a little closer. "I shouldn't show them. They'll just feel bad."

"Well, it is a little late for that isn't it? They will be here any moment, and I doubt everyone would appreciate being called here for nothing hm?" He nudged her back a little, lifting her chin and looking down at her when her face was no longer hidden. "Maybe it hurts them, but that doesn't change anything, does it? They're still your parents. And it would be better if they feel a little guilt for the past than no hm? You'll be more upset if they don't feel anything, won't you?"

She looked up at him. He was right. Maybe she was less scared about hurting them by making them feel guilty and she was more terrified that they wouldn't feel anything at all. "I...shouldn't worry about it, should I?"

"No. You should worry about what else is missing." He dropped his hand from her chin "How many of your memories have been taken from you...Whether or not there's something dangerous there."

Emma's jaw set a little and she nodded. "Thank you."

"My pleasure." He grinned. "However if you need to embrace me again, I certainly have no complaints." He held open his arms a bit. "Come now."

"You'd like that too much." She pushed his shoulder lightly, just as the door opened and the others walked in, steeling herself for the conversation to come.


	4. Token (46)

Emma sat at her desk, that file from the ice cream truck open in one corner, the objects inside spread out in front of her. She had given the rune-scroll to Elsa, but the rest of the papers were hers to pour over. She sighed and rested her elbow on the desk, her chin in her hand as she slid the papers back and forth without really looking at them. When she had taken a first glance in the truck, and then looked more closely right after, it really bothered her that Sarah had all of these sentimental things.

Of course it bothered her that she didn't remember any of it, and she really wanted to know what happened to make Sarah erase her memories like that. Based on this stuff, she had been happy at some point during their time there, so why? It wasn't that she wanted to dwell on it, but she had the right to know, didn't she?

And she thought about how she had these little pieces of memories from her childhood, but she never got to share this with her parents. Part of her felt guilty for it, though she knew it wasn't her fault. She knew her parents would feel guilty about it too, so it was a concern she would never voice. After all, they seemed to be rather pained seeing that video of her younger self. Killian was right about that, though. If they hadn't been, she would have been hurt.

And then there was just the feeling of violation. She had experienced things she had no recollection of. She had talked to Sarah even after coming to Storybrooke, but she didn't remember any of it. She couldn't even think of when those holes occurred in her memory. It was one thing to lose a period of your childhood, which had so many things that it was easy to forget something. But to have holes in her memory from just about a year ago? That was too much.

She tried talking to Killian about it when they were alone, and he listened patiently, and he held her hand through it. And she really did feel better about it, but there was still that nagging feeling at the back of her mind. 

"Emma, you should come see this." Elsa stood in the doorway to her office. 

She nodded and slid all of the papers back into that folder, standing and stretching her arms above her head before following Elsa out. She really didn't have time to dwell on any of it. The past was the past. She had to come to terms with that if they were going to solve the problems they had in the present.


	5. Three (36)

Emma stared down at the album that sat open on the desk, her arms crossed as she narrowed her eyes a little at the portraits on the page. The prophecy. The three sisters. The information Belle just gave them. It gave her a headache. There was something wrong with this woman, wasn't there? It was bad enough that she, as Sarah, had removed Emma's memories, but it looks like she did the same to Elsa. After all, she was her aunt Ingrid. 

"It's too much." Elsa whispered, her hands resting on the desk as she also stared down at the pictures. "Why would she do something like this?"

"Sometimes people are misguided, Lass." Killian was sitting in a chair, watching the two of them, and Emma was more comforted by his presence than she thought she would be, but lately she had been needing him around a lot more, she just didn't know how to voice it. "I should know..." He mumbled almost inaudibly after a moment of silence.

Emma glanced over her shoulder at him. She knew he was referring to himself. Of course he was, but there was something else there that she couldn't quite put her finer on, so she tried to offer him a bit of a smile. If it comforted him in some way, she would be satisfied.

When she looked back at the pictures, she frowned again. "We need to figure out a way to get her here and ask her what all this means, especially if she plans on using that spell." 

Elsa nodded and stood up straight again. "And I'm sure you'll think of something, but not when you're tired. You should rest, Emma, you had a long day."

"I agree." Killian piped up from his seat.

"I've done more on less sleep." Emma shook her head and uncrossed her arms. "But I'm not sure staring at this will do anything right now. This is horrible enough as it is." She sighed and rubbed the back of her neck a bit. 

Killian was behind her almost instantly, rubbing her shoulder a bit until she moved her hand so he could rub her neck for her. "This is a much more delicate matter though, isn't it? If this woman wants you to be her sister."

"And if she uses that spell like Belle says..." Elsa shook her head a little and sighed. "Someone must have made her believe this."

"And that's the most dangerous thing." Emma nodded once. "Belief is really powerful."

"And so are you. You can do this." Killian whispered the encouragement into her ear, his hand still rubbing at her neck. "I know you can."

Emma slowly nodded. Of course Killian would say that. He always believed in her, and she really needed to listen to her own words. It was a powerful thing, and if he could believe in her, she could believe in herself. "Yeah." She whispered and stepped away from him long enough to grab her jacket and pull it on. "You're right."

Elsa smiled a little at the two of them, but otherwise she remained silent.


	6. Road (20)

It wasn't a long drive from the station to the apartment, but Emma decided to take the completely out of the way scenic route. Mostly because she wanted to think. Because she wanted to try to de-stress even a little before walking into that apartment. Because she wanted to spend a little more time with Killian before the evening was over.

She drove onto a side street and parked the car, sinking back into the seat and turning her head to look at him. He had been tapping his fingers on his leg, but when the car stopped, he stopped and looked at her. He smiled. She smiled. It wasn't one of those times where they really needed to talk much, if at all, and she was grateful for that.

They sat there for a few minutes, not speaking, stealing glances at each other before he broke the silence. "You know, love," he started, shifting a bit in his seat and grinning at her. "If you want to be alone with me that badly, you can always come home with me."

She arched a brow at him and shook her head. "No, I don't think that would be a good idea. My phone wouldn't stop ringing all night, especially if I answer and tell them where I am." 

"Hm. Yes. Your father is quite the guardian" He nodded once. "I suppose that puts a damper on any potential romance hm?"

"Yeah, a little." Emma leaned over and kissed him. "But I can still do this here."

"I certainly won't complain." He grinned against her lips and gave her a kiss in return. "But anything more might be uncomfortable hm?"

"Then you'll have to be satisfied with that." She whispered and gave him another kiss before she pulled back and started the car again. 

"If you can be, I can be." He watched her as she drove. "Or I can pretend to be just as well as you're pretending."

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. "You think I'm not satisfied with that?"

"I'm sure I satisfy you plenty, even in such a diminished capacity, but I am no fool." He chuckled. "One day you won't live with your parents anymore hm?"

"I hope so. It'll get really old if they sit up and wait for me every time we go on a date. I'm sure they're waiting for me right now, ready to ask me a bunch of questions about why I'm a little later than normal."

He chuckled again. "Shall I walk you to the door then, or would it be safer for me to avoid them?"

"I'm not sure I really want to find out how they'll treat you if you do." She smiled at him. "So for now, let's make them sweat it out a little hm?" She turned onto another street and drove.


	7. Wait (14)

Emma watched out the window as she sat in a booth in Granny's Diner. Killian had agreed to meet her early, so they could at least have a little time before she got to work with Elsa on how to stop whatever it was the Snow Queen...whatever Ingrid was plotting. She needed this time this morning. She needed something comfortable and normal. She needed to feel something other than dread and stress. 

But this wasn't it. Killian was late, and so she was stressing more, and dreading more. She sat with her chin in her hand as she stared through the glass. If she could have, she would have burned a hole through it by now. It wasn't like him to be like this. If anything, he was almost unusually early, considering he couldn't drive and had to walk everywhere if Emma didn't drive him.

Maybe this was one of those things like watching a pot. It seemed to take forever to boil if you watched it, right? So maybe if she took her eyes off the window and focused on something else, he would saunter in here all leather and grin, and everything would be fine.

But what else did she have to focus on if it wasn't Killian? There was Henry, but he had been hanging around with Regina a lot lately, which was totally fine, of course, and it was what Henry wanted, so she wouldn't complain. There was her brother, but it was weird thinking about him because her parents just had to name him after Neal. It was a nice gesture, but it was still really weird. She could focus on her parents, but unless they were giving her the over-bearing parental looks whenever she was with Killian, they didn't seem to be too concerned with her. Why would they? They had a new baby to focus on. A baby who they would raise.

Her coffee cup rattled a little on the table and she looked down at it, blinking. What was that? Was there an earthquake? Was Storybrooke on a fault line? 

"Sorry I'm late, love." Killian was already sitting across from her, and his hand reached out and rested on the one she didn't have her chin resting in. "You okay?"

"Hm?" She looked up at him and smiled a little, feeling instantly at ease, even with the concern that wrinkled his forehead. "I'm okay now that you're here," she said before she even realized the words were coming out of her mouth. Her cheeks pinked a little and she glanced off to the side to avoid looking at the ridiculous grin that spread across his face.

"Then I'm glad I could be of some assistance. But seriously, Swan, you seem tense. It's about later this afternoon, isn't it?"

"No. I'm fine. I wasn't even thinking about that." It was true. She didn't want to tell him that she had been thinking about how no one really seemed to want her around, though she knew it wasn't true. Killian's warmth as he held her hand was affirmation of that. "You should call me if you're going to be late. I was worried something might have happened to you." Or that you weren't coming. The thought went unvoiced.

He shook his head and leaned forward, pulling her hand to his lips and kissing her knuckles. "My apologies. I got caught up in something and lost track of time."

She nodded a little and let herself relax even more. Killian always managed to make her feel comfortable, even before any of this. Even when he was being an utter dickhead in his quest for revenge. But especially when he came to get her in New York. She looked at the way his hand held hers, and she smiled a little. She could feel him watching her, but she just watched the way his thumb brushed over her skin, the way he moved and folded his fingers between hers. 

"Killian..." She looked at him and smiled a little more. "When this is all over, do you want to go on another date? A real one."

He blinked, but he nodded once. "Like the last time? Only without some bloody git spilling all over you?" He seemed to darken a bit at that, but he nodded again. "I would like that."

"Me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't be alarmed if I skip some days. I have some more random ideas I want to get out of my head, and I have a longer multi-chap fic I have the urge to work on. :)


	8. Why (08)

Emma stared down at her hands, which were still trembling after that accident at the station. No, not the accident. That was her. She did it. She blew the wall out. She almost crushed her boyfriend (and then her father who pushed him out of the way) with that lamppost. She just single-handedly ruined everything good in her life with one flick of her wrist.

She was terrified.

She tried clenching her fists to get the trembling to stop, but steam seemed to rise from them, so she held them open, palms up, staring down at them as if they were the worst things in the world. How had this happened? Why had this happened? How could she become such a danger to those she loved? She had been doing so well. She had been able to protect Killian when Ingrid was going to skewer him with the ice in the woods. She had been able to destroy that strange ice Viking with Regina. So why was she losing control now?

It only made her feel worse, knowing she could hurt someone. She never wanted to hurt anyone. And now she was more of a danger than she could have ever imagined.

It was too much. She needed to calm down, but how? How was she supposed to do that when she almost crushed Killian? Maybe she should just stay away from everyone? Maybe she should leave Storybrooke and not have to worry about her magic. She had been alone for so long anyway, so maybe she could do it again?

But she didn't want to. She didn't want to be alone anymore. She was finally learning how to be happy, and she didn't want to lose that. She didn't want to ruin it, either. There had to be another way, but until she could figure it out, she would avoid everyone. She could at least do that and try to calm herself, right?


	9. Knot (43)

First she had almost crushed Killian. Now she had hurt Henry. 

Emma's stomach churned and she cursed herself for all of this. She was horrible! She hurt two of the most important people in her life, and for what? Because she was some sort of magic freak that couldn't control her powers? She couldn't control them before, but at least she never hurt anyone, and now she was zapping things and blasting people, and she hated it.

She needed to get rid of them. She needed to make herself safe so she could be around Henry again. So she could trust herself around him, or around Killian. So she wouldn't get angry or feel unwanted when her mother flinched away from her or scolded her for accidents she couldn't control. She wouldn't have to feel the pain in her chest when her parents supported her decision to throw away a piece of herself. 

Maybe that stung almost as much as the dread she felt after hurting Henry. He tried to help her. Killian tried to help her, and she pushed them both away (one literally, in Henry's case). But her parents, they pushed her away. Well, mostly her mother pushed her away. She was scared, and Emma didn't really blame her. But hearing the two of them say they'd support her decision to get rid of it was almost too much.

She couldn't take the rejection. She couldn't sit there and think about how no one would want to be around her because of this. They didn't want her like this. She didn't want to hurt anyone. What choice did she have?

She sighed and looked down at her phone. She turned it off after calling her parents, but she had seen the missed call from Killian. He was probably trying to call her now, too, but she couldn't talk to him right now. She couldn't hear his voice, and hear how supportive he was likely to be, as though she hadn't almost killed him with a street lamp. 

She needed to hear it. She needed to feel wanted. But there was this part of her that was terrified that he would agree with her parents and tell her to get rid of her magic. He had never said anything like that before. He had always held her up when she felt down. But people change, right?

With a shake of her head, Emma shoved those thoughts away and headed to the pawn shop. Gold had to be able to help her. She would get rid of this magic any way she could.


	10. Words (34)

"I'm a fan of every part of you."

It had been something so simple, but with those words, all of Emma's remaining insecurities just seemed to melt away. Sure, Elsa was very helpful in helping her accept herself for who she is, and for overcoming the fear, but that final nudge from Killian made everything better. She felt like she could believe it.

Of course it did. He always did. He always said the right things in the right ways. He always made something in her heart remind her brain that someone really did care about her. Not that she didn't think other people cared about her because she knew they did. She knew her friends and family cared, but being cared for by someone in a different way was sometimes the most necessary thing. 

And she knew Killian liked every part of her. Deep down she knew he had always accepted her for everything she was. He believed in her when no one else did. And she really should have thought about that when she was afraid, but she was panicking, and she was more terrified of hurting him than she was of hurting herself. 

Elsa had helped her accept and love herself, so maybe now she could let those last walls down and really allow herself to feel something, and Killian was the one she wanted to feel it with. Maybe he always had been, she had just been too stubborn to let herself see it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know most of these are super short. :) I just don't want to get too involved in the plot as shown in the show. They may get longer after the winter finale this weekend, though.


	11. Cell (18)

"Emma, what's wrong?" 

Now was not the time to be worrying about this. They had a curse coming, and yet she was mildly concerned that she couldn't find her phone. What if she needed to call someone? What if there was a problem and Henry tried to call her?

"Nothing..." She said, unconvincingly as she stuffed her hands into her pockets for the twentieth time as if the phone would magically reappear. 

"If you say so..." Her father seemed just as unconvinced as one would be hearing that sort of response. 

She shook her head a bit. "Come on, we don't have much time." She frowned a little bit and pulled her hands out of her pockets again. Since discovering that something had happened to the fairies, everyone had been on edge, and Emma mentally scolded herself for being so worried about her damn phone. She had never been so attached to it before, so why now?

Why? Because Killian could call her. Because even when they weren't together, they could still talk, and she had grown accustomed to that. 

Not that it mattered right now. Now that this curse was coming, Killian might not want to talk to her anyway, and it wasn't like she really should be spending any time talking to him when they had a spell to ruin. Besides, Killian had been at his worst in front of her already, back when he shot Belle. When he was trying to kill Gold. She had seen him as the drunken pirate who swept her off her feet and somehow managed not to stumble in the process. 

She shook her head and looked down at the keys in her hand. She needed to focus on what was happening now. Not what happened then, or what could happen if she bumped into Killian after this whole thing settled in.

"Emma." 

She snapped her head up at her mother's voice and nodded. "All right. Let's do this..."


	12. Weep (21)

She hated this. The tears. The way her eyes burned as they filled and the liquid threatened to slide down her cheeks. Emma held her bother close now that her parents were locked away. She held him, watching the door Killian just walked out of after that kiss. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but it wasn't the same. Not that a potentially tearful kiss goodbye would be the same as all the soft kisses or the passionate kisses, but this was missing something.

She couldn't put her finger on it, but it worried her, and that worry caused her tears to spill over her cheeks. Something was wrong, but everything was wrong, and she couldn't do anything but clench her eyes shut and curl over her baby brother as the curse hit. 

She did her best to silence her sobs, and her body trembled only slightly, but the tears didn't seem to want to go away. She hoped keeping her eyes shut would force them back completely, but she still felt that urge to cry even as she opened her eyes again and righted herself.

She sighed and carried Neal to her office after looking at her parents. She didn't have time to be a sobby mess. She didn't have time to worry about what was so different about Killian's kiss and why. 

She had to be the savior, and the savior shouldn't cry.


	13. Tense (06)

There was definitely something wrong. Killian just wasn't his normal, warm self. Emma wanted to ask him about it, but it seemed like she couldn't get a moment alone with him. That made it worse. It also made her more sure there was something going on. Something he was hiding from her. Something she felt like she really needed to know, or it would all go wrong.

She was completely sure of it when he spoke to her about the doorway. The way his hand gripped her wrist like he was terrified of letting her go, but like he was also fighting something. This wasn't like him at all. Was he sick of her already? Was he pushing her away for some reason? Is that why he just ran off? Why was he all of a sudden friendly with Gold anyway?

It left a bad taste in her mouth, and she knew there wasn't much she could do about it right now. Not when she didn't know where he went or why. Not when she still couldn't find her phone, so she couldn't even call him to find him.

She felt the muscles at the back of her neck tense up. She couldn't shake the dread that washed over her. And when Anna told her about Rumplestiltskin, it all made sense. That wasn't Killian at all today in the diner, or at the station before the curse. The lack of warmth she felt wasn't because he was getting sick of her. It was what happened when someone didn't have a heart. Only two people knew how to do that, and Regina certainly didn't.

She had to get to him. She had to save him. But how?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gaaaaah. The mid-season finale just about killed me!


	14. Dread (31)

She looked down at the heart as it pulsed in her hands. She felt her stomach sink as he fingers trembled around it. It wasn't the brightest red she had seen, as there was that small dark spot that seemed to dull the center of it, but she felt better seeing the evidence of his change. 

She was still feeling too many things though. She felt anguish because she had almost lost him. If they had been just a minute later, he would have been dead. Even though she had vocalized how scared she was of losing him, and he assured her he was a survivor, it was out of his control in that case. She also felt anger, severe anger, that he had kept everything from her this entire time. She knew some of it was because he had no heart, but before that?

She sighed and looked at him. She really wanted to yell at him. She wanted to make him promise never to anything that stupid again. But all she could do is stare at him and feel relief wash over her. He was still here, and she wasn't going to lose him.

But the thought still scared the crap out of her. "You're such a jerk..." She whispered.

"I know." He lifted a hand to touch hers and he smiled. "But you can yell at me all you want hm?"

"I just might."


	15. Drink (49)

Henry had gone home with Regina after showing them the "author's" room at the mansion, and so Emma headed to The Rabbit Hole. She didn't feel like dealing with anyone at Granny's right now, and she really just needed a drink. Or two. Or ten. 

She sat at the bar and looked at the glass the bartender sat in front of her. She blamed Killian for her newfound preference for rum. She never really liked drinking it before, and now it seemed to be one of the only things she would drink. That and wine, but today was a rum sort of day. 

Her fingers moved over the lip of the glass as she stared down at the liquid. She watched the way the light reflected, and she sighed a little. It was still too much. Even though she was trying to put on a brave face, she still felt a tightness in her chest that just didn't seem to want to go away. She had to be strong, she always did. She couldn't afford to cry or anything right now. So she drank.

And she drank until she was drunk. Too drunk to walk well, let alone drive home, so she rested her cheek against the bar and reached for her phone, fumbling in her pocket before she realized she still didn't have it. Great. 

"Come on love. Let's get you home." 

Emma turned enough to see what looked like Killian's chest, though she still had her cheek against the bar. "Hey..." She managed, even as he helped her sit up. "I'm drunk."

"Clearly." He shook his head and helped her stand. When she fell against him, he made some sort of noise of displeasure and picked her up. "Maybe the rum was a bad idea hm?"

"Maybe almost dying was a bad idea." She pouted a little, clinging to him a bit and groaning when he walked. 

"Yes. Of course. But I didn't die."

"I would have killed you if you did."

"Then it's a good thing I didn't. I would despair if you killed me."

"Then don't die. Ass." Emma closed her eyes and curled more against him. "Don't lie to me anymore."

"Yes, love."


	16. Ugly (47)

Emma groaned and tried to hide her face in the pillow. She didn't remember much of anything from last night, but she was pretty sure she drank herself into the worst hangover ever. She groaned again and wrinkled her nose at the stale taste in her mouth. Had she vomited? How did she manage to get into bed?

Wait, this wasn't her bed. She kept her face in the pillow and tried to orient herself as best she could considering her ugly state. This pillow definitely smelled like Killian. Oh no. Did he bring her home with him? Had she thrown up in front of him, or worse, on him? She half whimpered and clenched her eyes shut as tightly as she could.

She heard him enter the room, and judging from the uneven footsteps, he was trying his best to be quiet. How nice of him. Too bad each little creak echoed in her head and hurt more.

She carefully rolled over and slowly opened her eyes, just enough to see his blurry form, but also enough for him to know she was awake. She thought she saw him smile at her, but she couldn't be sure with the way she barely was able to see him.

She wasn't sure how long they sat there, but she was eventually able to sit up, and he handed her a glass of water. She drank it, trying to will the pain out of her head, though that didn't work. At least she could open her eyes a little more, not that the room was all that bright anyway.

He took the glass from her and put it down before he gently rested his hand on her cheek and brushed a thumb over her lower lip. "Are you feeling better? You were quite ill all night."

Emma closed her eyes again and whimpered a little. So Killian had dealt with her while she was sick. "Sorry..." She managed, her voice very quiet, but she hissed a little as it burned her throat. 

"Shh. Just sleep. I already told your parents you're with me." He helped her lay back down, tucking her in and touching her cheek again. "Besides, you said some colorful things, so it's not like I was put out by you last night."

She groaned again and tried to pull the covers over her head. "What did I say?" A wince and another hiss.

"Hm. I'll tell you once you're better hm?" With that he got up and left the room.


	17. Fair (42)

Emma leaned against Killian as they sat on the bench by the window. Although she spent most of the day in bed nursing that hangover, she eventually felt well enough to head home. When they got there, though, her parents weren't around. She figured they were at the station since she was too sick to go in. Henry wasn't there either, but he was most likely with Regina, exploring that mansion to see if they could find any more clues. 

"You're unfair." She whispered as she rested her head on his shoulder, her eyes closed. "You make me feel all of these things I'm not used to feeling..."

He squeezed her hand and chuckled. "I think that's plenty fair, love, since you do the same to me. If anything, it's worse for me since I haven't felt them for longer."

"I didn't do something stupid like blackmail Gold and then get my heart ripped out." She muttered and shook her head slightly, but she pressed closer to him.

"No. You just didn't want anyone to help you until Elsa forced it on you. You almost got taken away."

"But I didn't. Besides, you almost died. That's so much worse." 

"And I didn't. I'm damn good at surviving." He turned his head and kissed the top of hers. "Trust me. I regret making you worry. I would much rather live with you hating me, knowing you're safe than have you be gone." 

"This is why I swore up and down at you last night."

"Aye. You have quite a mouth on you, Swan. Worse than most of my men." He chuckled a little. "Quite impressive, really."

"Yeah, well. I grew up in a bad way." She pulled away from him enough to look at him. "Besides, you deserved it."

"Yes. I will accept that. And if you want to hit me, I won't complain. I would much rather you fall into my arms and kiss me, but I can't be picky hm?" He grinned a bit more.

Emma looked at him and arched a brow before she shook her head and leaned in to kiss him. "Only because you took care of me while I was drunk. Otherwise I'd still be really angry with you." 

"Ah. Well I suppose that's fair, too."


	18. Door (12)

Emma was the first to wake. Killian's arms were somewhat slack around her as he breathed softly into her hair. They had fallen asleep at some point in their conversation, and so she wasn't quite sure how much time had passed. 

But there was noise outside the door. She could hear the footsteps and the voices, and she was sure it was her parents, so she watched, nestled against Killian's side. She heard the keys in the door, and she quickly closed her eyes. At the very least, pretending to be asleep right now would be better than fending off the thousand and one questions she was sure to get for staying with Killian the night before.

She heard the door swing open. She heard her mother's voice at normal volume, then the whisper of her father when they must have seen her and realized she and Killian were asleep. She listened to the way they moved quietly about the apartment, or tried to. Her father seemed to walk into one of the kitchen chairs, and he let out a sharp curse.

Killian shifted and tsked a bit. "Really mate." He whispered, probably assuming Emma was asleep.

Emma shifted a little and tried to keep the smirk from coming to her lips, but she laughed a little and opened her eyes. "Never thought you'd say that word before." She looked at her father, who was staring with wide eyes, his ears slightly red, probably from embarrassment.

"Sorry for waking you." Her mother shook her head and set Neal in the crib. "Well, for your father kicking the chair and waking you."

"I was awake. You made a lot of noise outside the door." Emma watched the way both of her parents coughed and looked away, and she shook her head. "I don't want to know."

"I do." Killian smirked a little, sitting up a bit better now that the two of them were awake. 

"No. You don't." Emma nudged him and shook her head. She leaned in and whispered into his ear. "If they're embarrassed and don't want to talk about it, then I can use that to get out of them asking me about last night."

Killian chuckled. "Devious."

Emma smiled a bit. "Learned that from you."


	19. Pact (23)

"And you absolutely insist?" Killian sat across from Emma, one brow arched as though he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

Emma just looked at him, her hands cupped around the mug of hot cocoa. She nodded once and smirked just slightly, enough to annoy him, but not enough to actively piss him off. "I insist."

"Why, though?" He sat back in his seat and the skeptical expression was replaced with a pout. "Isn't it enough that I haven't gone back to my leathers because you seem to like me in this more?"

"First of all, you're still wearing leather. Secondly, you were the one who commented how comfortable those pants were." Emma shook her head a little. "But you promised to do anything to make it up to me for making me worry about you, and so I'm calling in that promise. I want to see you in a shirt and tie."

"They look so uncomfortable and so impractical. What if someone tries to choke me?"

"Or what if I grab it and pull you in for a kiss?" She allowed herself to smirk again. "That would be good enough for you, wouldn't it?"

"Hm. That might be convincing enough, but I am completely at a loss as to why you're insisting on this."

"Because I want to see it. That's all." Emma pouted a bit and shook her head. "But you would never do it unless I make you do it." 

Killian looked at her and shook his head a little. "Fine." He sighed. Clearly the guilt had worked, but he had to have known he didn't really have a choice. Not after everything.

Emma's face instantly brightened and she smiled at him. "I promise, you'll be okay with it by the end of the night. I'll make sure it's worth your while." She finished the last of her cocoa and stood. "Besides, I think you'd look incredibly sexy like that." She smirked at him again before she walked away from the table and towards the door.


	20. Closet (40)

Emma sat on the bench with her mother and waited, her hands resting on her lap, fingers toying with the fabric of her skirt. Killian was up in the loft with Henry and David as the two of them tried to help him. She smiled a little as she could hear them arguing over which color looked better, or why did Henry have more ties in his closet than David did? Or why was he bloody going through with this?

"How charming," Her mother murmured after a particularly loud curse. 

Emma simply shook her head and smiled. "Yes, well, not all of us end up with polite shepherd boys." 

"I thought he was a prince when I met him." Snow shook her head.

"And I thought Killian was a lying blacksmith. At least the liar part was correct." Emma smiled and looked towards the stairs as the three of them came down. "Oh good." She stood and smoothed out her dress.

Killian fidgeted awkwardly, his hand at the knot of the tie. "You'd think your father was trying to choke me when he tied this, Swan."

"Well, you can't expect much when I had to teach him how to do it." Henry chuckled a little.

Emma reached up and swatted Killian's hand away, gently loosening the knot enough so he didn't feel choked. "This might help." She whispered, her fingers slowly moving down the tie as she stepped back from him. She ignored the looks she was getting from her parents, and she ruffled Henry's hair at the little eye roll. "We'll be back later." She grabbed Killian's hand and tugged him towards the door before he could protest.


	21. Rain (04)

Emma pulled Killian's jacket closer around her shoulders as they stood in the lobby at Granny's inn. She shivered slightly, her hair clinging to her as it dripped water everywhere. Of course it wasn't cold enough for snow today, but the cold rain was worse than snow would have been.

Killian rubbed her back a little as they waited for Ruby to hand them a key. It wasn't that they were trying to avoid heading back to Emma's apartment or anything, but the rain was coming down in sheets, and they ran here, as it was closer than trying to run back. And it was just as well because really all they needed was to dry off and try to relax for the rest of the night.

Or at least that's what she'd convince herself. 

When Ruby finally came back with the key, Emma ignored the knowing look in the other woman's eye as she took the key and tugged Killian towards the stairs. She said nothing even as she opened the door to the room, took his jacket off her shoulders and handed it back to him, and walked to the bathroom to get a towel to dry her hair. 

She heard Killian mutter as he struggled with his tie, so when she came back out of the bathroom, she put a dry towel over his head and took the tie in her hands, pulling him forward and into a rather steamy kiss, all things considering, and untied the knot at the same time.

She smirked a bit against his lips as he murmured and tried to follow her as she pulled away, even though she slowly pulled the tie with her until it fell from around his neck. "Patience." 

"That's bloody impossible after what you just did."

"Is it?" Emma let the tie drop to the floor as she turned and walked back towards the bathroom. "That's a shame. If you could be patient, I was considering letting you warm up with me." She looked over her shoulder at him.

Killian stared for a moment. "I think I've more than proven my patience, love."

"Hm. I guess you have." She stepped into the other room, but she left the door open for him, smirking a bit more when she heard him scramble to follow her.


	22. Deep (29)

It was completely dark in the room, but Emma could see Killian perfectly. He looked so relaxed as he slept next to her, the blankets moving a little as he shifted every once in a while. She watched the way his brow would sometimes scrunch up, but then he would relax and that peaceful look would come to his face again.

She smiled a little and watched him like that for a little bit, being unable to sleep herself. Her mind was racing, going through everything that had happened in the past few weeks. From New York, to the witch, to this whole thing with Ingrid. It was a lot. It was too much, really, and it all happened so fast.

And yet Killian was a constant through all of it. Even before the curse that caused her to leave with Henry. And as she sat there and watched him sleep, part of her wished she had believed him in the first place. That she hadn't been so resistant. That she hadn't accused him of horrible things. He had done horrible things, of course. To other people, not her. And she did trust him. She had trusted him since he saved her father in Neverland, but she hadn't voiced it until recently. She should have let herself remember that sooner, when he was trying to save Henry from Zelena.

But she couldn't regret it now, right? Now that she was here with him, watching him sleep after a somewhat enthusiastic warming up. Her cheeks tinged a little and she closed her eyes. She really did need to get her own place, so they could be together more often. Maybe they should get a place together, or was it too soon for that? Killian needed somewhere more stable than some dinky little boat at the docks, and Emma needed somewhere stable without her parents. And Henry? Regina needed Henry more than ever, so that wouldn't be a problem.

She shifted a little in the bed and curled closer to him. When had she fallen so deep that she was thinking about these things? When would she ever be able to admit it? That she loved him? That was the last wall, and she wasn't sure she was ready to let it come down just yet. Not because she didn't trust him, and not because she didn't want to, but because she was scared. He wouldn't break her heart. He wouldn't leave her. He traded everything to bring her back. He was the only one aside from Henry who really believed in her.

But she still needed to believe it would be okay. She knew it would be, but her heart wasn't quite ready to believe it, especially when she had fallen so deep. If she let go, she would drown in it, and she needed to learn how to be okay with that.


	23. Hard (25)

Emma woke to the smell of bacon and eggs, and as she opened her eyes, the realization that she had just spent the night at the inn with Killian hit her, hard. She felt the heat come to her cheeks as she looked over at him: he was setting up the food on the table, just in his underwear. She couldn't keep herself from staring a bit too long, but when he turned around, she lifted her eyes and offered him an awkward smile. "Morning."

"Morning." He grinned at her. "I would ask if you slept well, but you wouldn't wake when I tried earlier, so I know you must have."

She nodded a little and sat up, pulling the blankets up with her because she realized she was very naked, and it was a bit too cold for that. Not that it was actually too cold, and not that she should be embarrassed about him seeing her after last night, but...

As if he could read her mind, he handed her one of the robes and grinned.

She hastily tugged it on and climbed out of the bed, shaking her head a little at Killian's slight pout. "Did Granny or Ruby say anything to you about this?" She poked his arm lightly. "And please tell me you had some clothes on when you did this?"

He chuckled a little. "Of course."

"And you just stripped down afterwards, why?"

"I wanted to give you something nice to wake up to." He chuckled again and leaned over to kiss her. 

She rolled her eyes a little, but she kissed him back. "Well, thank you for that, then." Her hand rested on his arm and she smiled a little. "Don't expect me to return the favor any time soon. It's going to be too cold for that."

"Hm. Then I will have to warm you just as I did last night." He winked.

Emma's cheeks pinked again. "You're not going to start gloating are you?"

"Perhaps just a little, and only to you. I don't think anyone else needs to know, nor do they want to hear it."

"Ugh." She shook her head a little and grabbed a plate, sitting in one of the chairs and eating a little, occasionally stealing little glances at him. He caught her every time and grinned, so she smiled at him. "Killian?"

"What is it love?"

"You're happy?" She watched his face carefully.

"Of course. Devastatingly so."

She relaxed. He wasn't lying. And he didn't seem annoyed that she even asked. But he understood her very well, and he had to have known just why she was asking.

"I'm not going to abandon you, or die on you, or turn into a flying monkey, or any of that." 

"Thanks for the reminder on that last one, jerk. I was trying to forget it."

He chuckled a little and went back to eating his breakfast.

She watched the way he ate and shook her head a little. Yeah. She had fallen. Hard.


	24. Low (44)

Emma sat at her desk, chin in her hand as she looked at her current workload. She sighed a little and idly flipped through the papers with her other hand. She had been stuck doing nothing interesting for the past few days. Normally she would try to enjoy something like this, but since the incident with Ingrid, and with Belle forcing Gold out of town, there really wasn't anything going on. 

Plus, for some weird reason, Killian had been pretty busy, and she wasn't sure why. He said he was helping Belle out now that Gold was gone, but there was no reason for him to run the pawn shop while Belle ran the library, and there was no reason for him to run the library, since Belle didn't seem to be too thrilled about being in the pawn shop. Who could blame her after what happened?

Maybe he felt guilty for everything. And she really shouldn't be feeling badly about it, since she knew Killian wouldn't cheat on her or anything, but she was still a bit uneasy. Perhaps it was because of everything, and then not seeing him for a few days, it just sank her. She never felt this way about any guy before, so she didn't know how to pick herself up.

So she tried to busy herself with these reports and files, but they were just so boring. She wasn't good at this stuff. She was good at the running around and shooting things. She was good at rescuing people, or maybe royally screwing things up a bit more before she fixed them again. Whatever it was, it wasn't sitting at a desk and doing work.

She also wasn't good at missing people, and she did it very badly.


	25. Fallen (10)

"I think I'm in love with him."

Emma tried to hide the wince at the sound of the plate shattering as her father dropped it at her declaration. She tried not to shrink back at the way her mother just stared at her. Henry made a bit of a face and shook his head. She shouldn't have said anything, really, but she was keeping it in, and she just had to get it out. She had no one else she could really tell.

"Are you sure?" Her mother was the first to recover and speak, and she pulled a chair up close to where Emma sat, taking both of her hands and holding them. 

"I think that's what this is." She bowed her head and looked at her hands, at the way her mother held them. "I mean, I feel all nervous and paranoid when I haven't seen him in a few days. And when he's around I feel all light and fluttery." 

Her mother nodded once and patted her hands in that way only mothers seemed to know how to do. "Then what do you want to do about it?"

"What do you mean what does she want to do about it? She's already dating him." Her father muttered as he picked up pieces of plate. It was almost as if he was trying to sound disgusted.

"Oh don't listen to him." Her mother shook her head. "He's just bitter that you have your first boyfriend since you found us, and he is trying to be the grumpy over protective father he never got to be. Don't let that fool you. He's probably thrilled about this."

"Sounds like it." Emma rolled her eyes and sat back in the chair a bit. "I don't know what to do. I don't know how to handle any of this. The last time I thought something like this, I ended up engaged to a monkey. The time before that, I was in jail and pregnant." She looked over at Henry and smiled a little. "I mean, not counting loving you, Henry."

"I know mom. It's different." Henry smiled a little. "But if you feel that way, you should tell him. If it'll make you happy, then why not do it?"

She nodded a little and looked at her parents again. "How did you two do it? Being apart for even a few days is really starting to wear at me. You two were apart so many times...and then..."

"It helps that we didn't remember all those years, but it just felt wrong." Her mother smiled. "Not that your father felt anything, since he was asleep the entire time."

"Hey! That wasn't my fault!"

Emma looked at the two of them before she sighed. "I really need to think about this. I'm not good at any of this, and if I'm even the slightest bit unsure..."

"Sometimes the unease comes from the fact that you are sure. I think you know, but you're trying to convince yourself that you don't because you're afraid of getting hurt again." Her mother squeezed her hands gently. "It's okay. You have all of us here to support you when you need it, hm?"

Emma nodded a little. "Thank you."


	26. Irony (38)

"I missed you, love."

Those words were not supposed to make Emma crumple and collapse against Killian's chest as she cried into his shirt. They were not supposed to make her tremble and feel worse about her own apprehension about this whole thing. And they certainly weren't supposed to make her reaction cause Killian to hug her awkwardly as he stood there, clearly confused as to how he made his girlfriend cry.

"Emma?" His hand rested on the back of her head and he stroked her hair a little, perhaps in an attempt to soothe her enough so they could talk about why she just suddenly starting crying, but it only made her cling just that much more. 

"I...I'm sorry." She managed, her voice soft, words coming through tiny gasps for air. 

"I would say it's okay, Swan, but I have no idea why you're crying." 

She shook her head a little before she pulled back from his chest, lifting a hand to smear the tears off her cheeks. "I'm okay."

"You don't look okay." His hand moved from her hair to touch her cheek, catching a stray tear with his fingertip. "Not with these tears."

How could she really admit to everything when she struggled so much just to come to terms with her feelings, to being okay with those feelings, and then he just saunters into her office like this and says everything he says like it's the easiest thing in the world? "I just missed you too."

He seemed more taken back by that than he was by the tears. He stared at her for a moment, eyes wide, but then that smarmy grin spread across his face. "You missed me to the point of tears? Really, Emma. If you need me by your side so much, you can just tell me."

"I do want you by my side." She said quickly, almost an instinctive response. "I hated not seeing you for a few days."

"To the point of tears?"

"To the point of frustration. You can say all these things like you don't have to think about it."

"Well, it's certainly much easier to tell you I missed you than it was to tell you of my feelings in the echo cave." His grin disappeared, but he took her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing her knuckles. "Emma, you have a lot to work out. I know this. I know I needle you, and I joke around, and I flirt, well, I've always flirted with you, but I'm not going to get impatient. I know how I feel, and I know you're accepting me, so it's much easier for me to say things because I've been saying them. For you, it's difficult because of the way other people hurt you."

Emma watched him for a moment before she nodded a little. "You're the one who understands me the best." She managed a little smile. 

"Besides, I know how you feel about me." He leaned in a little and winked. "You're quite the passionate kisser, you know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know. XD I don't like this topic. That's about as ironic as I could get with them.


	27. Deed (27)

It was the third morning in a row that Killian had stopped by the apartment and brought Emma breakfast and coffee before work. Although she was starting to wonder just how he was paying for all of it, she pushed that to the back of her mind and thanked him. She took his hand when he offered it, smiling a bit as he walked her to the car. Smiling more when he got into the passenger's seat and talked about something or other that he saw on the way to her apartment.

It was a small gesture, but it meant more than she knew how to express. It was enough to make her feel better about anything she was feeling uneasy about, at least for a little while. But on this third morning, rather than say he'd be back later, he simply said his goodbye, kissed her on the cheek, and walked out of the station.

She shouldn't worry about it. She shouldn't expect that every morning would be the same. That just because he had promised her that he'd come back in a few hours didn't mean he could do that every day. So she pushed it to the back of her mind, just where she pushed every other minor little thing, and she got to work.

But by lunchtime she was thinking about it again. Was he working? Did he find some sort of job and just forgot to tell her? Was that why he hadn't been around much earlier in the week? She needed to not worry about things she couldn't control, but she was so bad at that. So she decided to distract herself. She pulled her jacket on and stepped out of her office. Of course no one else was there. Since Elsa had left and Gold was gone, no one really came into the station unless it was Henry or Regina. Even her father didn't seem to come in all that often anymore, though she couldn't blame him with how slow everything was.

Maybe she shouldn't worry about putting in full days? That's what the radios and the phones were for, right? Nothing would fall apart just because she spent a little longer at the apartment, or spent an extra half an hour at the diner for lunch, right? Maybe she was just bored, and that's why she was worrying about everything. 

Finding something to do would certainly help get her mind off the fact that, as she walked to the diner, she saw Killian sneak into the library. It was clearly sneaking, since he seemed to look every which way before entering, and he barely opened the door before sliding in.

She could walk over there and find out, or she could trust him to tell her if something was wrong. She clenched her fists a little and stood there for a moment before she decided the second option was best, and she pushed through the door to the diner, hoping a burger and a hot cup of cocoa would help ease her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am totally just winging it. :D


	28. Clock (33)

Emma rested her cheek against the desk and looked over at the clock on her computer. It was half past eight, and she knew she needed to get home. She just didn't have the energy to move right now, having exhausted herself by trying to busy herself all day to keep her mind off what she saw at lunch. She did whatever she could to try to focus on something else.

But here it was, eight-thirty, and she just didn't want to think anymore, so she didn't. She just kept her cheek against her desk and closed her eyes. 

She opened them when there was a rough shake to her shoulder and a concerned "Emma!" that echoed in her ears. She blinked a few times, her eyes focusing on the clock again. It was past midnight. 

"Are you trying to give everyone a bloody heart attack?" It was Killian who shook her awake, and the concern was clear in his expression when she finally lifted her head to look at him. Well, concern and maybe a slight hint of anger. "No one could get through to you."

She sat up and lifted her hand to rub her cheek, which had been firmly pressed to the desk for hours and was a little sore. "I didn't hear the phone." She said, looking at him with a somewhat apologetic look, but at the same time she wasn't totally sorry. It was his fault she had worked herself to exhaustion anyway. "I'm fine. Just tired."

"Let me get you home, then." He reached out to help her up, but she stood without taking the offered hand. That seemed to confuse him, as he simply looked at her. "Emma?"

"I'm fine." She said, a bit more sternly. Maybe it was because she was still tired, or maybe she was just agitated, but she sighed a little almost immediately afterwards and shook her head. "Sorry. I didn't mean to be snappish."

He nodded once, but the concern never left his face. In fact, he seemed more worried now than before. "Did something happen today, love?"

Did something happen today? Emma looked at him as all the accusatory thoughts ran through her head. It would be so easy to just let him have it, but she wanted to stick by her decision at the diner. She would trust him, even if it annoyed her or worried her to the extent that it did today. She had to have something to hold on to, and if she let go of that trust, it would be her fault if anything went sour after that. "No. Nothing." She managed a smile. "I'm just tired."

"All right." He held his hand out to her, and this time she took it. "If something was wrong, you'd tell me, wouldn't you?"

"Mm." She looked at him. "Just like you'd tell me."

The worried expression was replaced by a guilty one, and he hung his head a little. "So you are still upset with me for not telling you about the crocodile and the blackmail? I know I was a complete git, but Emma, I was just trying...."

"What? No. I mean, yeah I'm still mildly annoyed, but that wasn't what I meant." She shook her head and squeezed his hand a little. "You feel guilty enough about that as it is. I just meant that if something was going on now, or in the future, you wouldn't keep secrets from me, right?"

"Well, I mean, if it's something like a surprise present, then I most certainly will keep a secret from you." 

"That isn't what I meant and you know it."

"Yes, of course. You're right. I've learned my lesson." He nodded. "You can trust me, love."

"Then everything is fine." Emma smiled at him, and at least the conversation put her at ease, but she still wanted to know why he was sneaking into the library, more out of curiosity than anything else. "Let's get me home before my father thinks you're the reason I'm so late, hm?"


	29. Lure (48)

Emma sat at the table, her hands wrapped around a warm mug of coffee as she watched the steam rise. She had decided to try taking it a little easier, going to work a little later, and so far it was pretty nice. She didn't feel rushed or a little exhausted from the night before. She didn't feel bad about it, either.

Even as her father gave her a look as he headed to work. She shrugged it off, though. Served him right for taking so much time off. If he wanted to take her job and be Sheriff that badly, he should try working more. She could always quit and let him have it, if he insisted, though that would leave her stuck at this apartment a lot longer than she wanted to be.

"Are you feeling okay, Emma?" Of course her mother was concerned. Why wouldn't she be? Emma came home late and exhausted, and she slept in an extra hour in the morning. The concern was practically dripping from the question.

"I'm fine." She shrugged a little. "There just isn't a lot of work now, so I thought I would take it a bit easier. I worked too much yesterday." 

Her mother nodded, as if that explanation was good enough. Emma was glad for it because that was just one more thing she didn't need to deal with, especially after yesterday.

"So what are you going to do then? Since your father went to the station. Are you taking the day off?"

"I'll go in later. I have some things I want to do." She shrugged again and brought her mug to the sink, rinsing out what little coffee was left before she set it down. 

"All right." Again, another simple acceptance. Emma wondered if she should worry about the other woman, since she usually grilled and poked until she got a more detailed answer. "Have a good day."

"Thanks." Emma looked at her mother oddly before pulling on her jacket and heading out of the apartment. She shoved her hands in her pockets and walked down the street, just looking at things now that she had the time to really look. Well, at least now before it got too cold and the whole town ended up covered in snow.

So she noticed, again, when Killian snuck into the library. She stood across the street and watched the door for what was probably a good five minutes before she shook her head and started down the sidewalk again. And she made it a whole three steps before she stepped off the curb and headed to the building, formulating some sort of excuse in her head. She could get a book, couldn't she? Especially if work was so slow? No one would find that odd, right?

Yeah, right.


	30. Sudden (30)

Emma couldn't help but laugh just a little at the way she clearly started Belle and Killian with her appearance in the library. Apparently her presence was so shocking that Killian had fallen backwards with an armload of books, and was just sitting on the floor, staring up at her with wide eyes. Belle also had wide eyes, but she seemed more concerned about the books that had been scattered around the floor because of the fall.

"Hello love." Killian was clearly trying to recover as gracefully as possible as he picked himself up and dusted himself off. "Wasn't expecting to see you here."

"Clearly." She arched a brow, but crouched to help Belle pick up the books. Killian scampered back to get the ones that had slid just a bit further. "I wouldn't have thought someone coming into the public library was so surprising." She straightened up and put the books on the counter. She glanced at the titles on the spines and arched a brow. "Research?"

"Ah...Yes." Belle put some of the other books down. "After what happened with Rumple..." She glanced at Killian before looking back at Emma. "I know the curse prevents him from coming back, but just in case..." She managed a little smile, but tears started to form in her eyes.

Emma shook her head. "You do whatever you think you need to do. No one's going to fault you for it." She managed a little smile. "Regina and I are going for drinks tonight, why don't you join us?" She rested a hand on Belle's arm. "No pressure."

"Thank you. I think I will." Belle smiled a little more and picked up some of the books. "He was just helping me put them back. He's been helping me the past few days..."

"Yeah, I noticed." Emma shook her head a little and glanced over at Killian. "He's not very stealthy. I think everyone noticed."

Killian arched a brow at her. "Is this why you were acting strangely last night? Because I was coming here?"

"No." Emma walked up to him and poked his chest. "I asked you if you were keeping any secrets because you looked ridiculous yesterday, trying to sneak in here. You're horrible at that." She mimicked the way he had looked all around before darting in the door, and she poked his chest again when she was done. "How could anyone not think that's suspicious?"

"You did that?" Belle laughed a little. "No wonder Ruby asked me if there was something wrong." 

"That wolf notices everything." Killian groaned. "But I absolutely did not look that foolish."

"You did!" Emma shook her head and stepped back from him. "But at least now I don't have to come up with some excuse for coming in here. I saw you sneaking about again, so I just came to check. As long as you're really not hiding anything."

"I told you that you could trust me." He frowned a little.

"And I do. I just was really curious." 

"I did tell him to tell you." Belle was hugging one of the books to her chest. "Of course you would find it odd if he was here all the time. He's not exactly an avid reader, and you are the Sheriff. If you didn't notice, I'd be worried, not that this town seems to have anything to worry about at the moment...for once."

"I can read, you know."

"But you don't." Emma shook her head. "Not enough to warrant daily visits to the library." She stepped away from the counter and the two of them and looked around at the shelves. "I don't either, though." She reached up and pulled a book off the shelf. "Maybe I'll change that."


	31. Dust (50)

Emma sneezed as dust seemed to explode from one of the books she borrowed from the library. She coughed a little and wrinkled her nose as she tried to get the last of it out of her face. She didn't know how such a small book cold hold so much dust, but it was almost as bad as the side of the station now that the crews were finally working on putting the wall back together. She sighed and shook her head a little, both to clear the air and to keep herself from thinking about how she was the one who blasted a hole in the side of the building.

So she looked down at the book: a rendition of some folk tales from all over Europe. Of course it was going to be weird reading about the people she saw every day, but she had picked it up on a whim when she was scanning the shelves yesterday. She did too many things on a whim yesterday, and she almost got in a fight with Killian over it, too. Even after everything was cleared up, he seemed particularly annoyed that she had followed him into the library. Or at least he acted that way when she called him after a particularly drink-heavy night with Regina and Belle. 

Or maybe he was just annoyed that she drunk called him at 2 AM and half-sobbed half-apologized for following him in the afternoon.

She rubbed the back of her neck and thanked whatever deity made it so that she didn't have a hangover this morning. Not that she drank all that much compared to the other night when Killian had to take care of her. 

"So don't drink that much again." Killian was sitting across from her. 

She jumped a bit startled by his sudden appearance. For someone who couldn't sneak around without looking foolish, he sure knew how to come out of nowhere. "When did you...?"

"Just now." He leaned back in the seat and watched her. "I went to the station first, but Dave said you were here to avoid the work being done." He arched a brow. "If you're in that much pain, you should have stayed in bed."

Emma smiled a little. "Thanks for your concern. Sorry for calling you so late last night."

"I know. You said so at least twenty times." He shook his head a little and leaned forward a bit. "Are you having a hard time?"

"With...?"

"Anything? With what happened. With what's happening or not happening? With us?"

She watched him for a moment, noting the way he just stared at her, his concern almost tangible. "Not particularly. I just don't know how to not be busy, so I make myself busy."

"Which is why you followed me yesterday?" He frowned.

There it was. Emma groaned a little and shook her head. "I told you about that yesterday."

"That you were curious."

"Yes."

"So you followed me."

"I didn't follow you. I was already passing the library when I saw you go in, so I went in."

"That's following, love." He shook his head and rested his hand over one of hers. "I would tell you that you should have just asked me about it, or talked to me about it, but that's not very fair for me to say when I could have just told you I was helping."

Emma relaxed a little when he touched her hand. She had been worried he would argue with her, or get mad at her, but he didn't. He just smiled a little at her. "Killian. I don't want you to think I don't trust you."

"It's just that you're having a hard time adjusting." He grinned a little and patted her hand. "I know I asked, but it's pretty obvious. You are much more comfortable when you're running around like you have to get everything done right then and there than when you have nothing to do. That's why you got that isn't it?" He nodded to the book. "To do something?"

"Eh?" She looked down at the book and blinked. "I got this because I was in the library already and I felt bad for going in there for no reason other than to see what you were doing."

"You got that because you were hoping that if you read that, or any of the other books you took, that you would be able to help Henry and Regina better hm?"

She lifted her head and looked at him, eyes wide. She hadn't even really thought about that. She had just grabbed a few books that she thought would be useful. There it was. That was her inability to do nothing. She had to feel useful. She had to help. She needed to make sure everyone got their happy endings. "How do you always seem to know me so well?"

"You and I are very similar, you know." He chuckled. "Besides, you sobbed it out between apologies last night."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure what I'm going to do with some of the rest of the topics. They're probably going to be very loosely fitted, since some of them are pretty bad.


	32. Winter (09)

The air was cold enough to send a chill down Emma's spine as she stepped out of her car. She pulled her scarf up a bit more and practically ran into the station, trying to shake some of the chill as she hung her jacket up and rubbed her hands together.

Winter in New York was nothing like winter in Maine. The air had that crispness to it that made it smell like snow, and based on the weather reports, they could get the first snowstorm any day. As long as it came after the wall was fixed, that was fine. 

She walked over to the thermostat and checked it glancing over at her father, who seemed to be staring at nothing on his computer screen. As long as he wasn't looking, she could crank the heat a little without him muttering about the budget or complaining that it would get too hot. One or two degrees wouldn't make that much of a difference, right?

She looked over at him again and arched a brow. "What's so fascinating there?"

He jumped a little, shaking his head and looking over at her. "Emma! When did you get here?"

"Were you just sleeping with your eyes open?"

"I...might have been." 

She let out a short laugh and shook her head. "If you're that tired, go home. It's fine. Nothing's happening but wall repairs anyway."

"Then who will keep you company?"

"You can't keep me company if you're falling asleep like that." She grabbed his coat from the rack and held it out to him. "It might be a good idea to call someone to pick you up. It would be really bad press if you get in a crash because you fall asleep at the wheel."

"Yeah. I'm fine. I'll just stand out in the cold for a minute to make sure I'm fully alert." He grinned and took the jacket. "Call me if you need me to come back."

"Go." She nudged him towards the door, watching until he left. Once the door shut behind him, she raised the heat just a little more and went into her office. While she didn't have any major work to do, she did still have those books to go through. She had left the pile here, since it was easier than answering her mother's questions. So she grabbed the book she had been flipping through in the diner the other day , opened it, and began to read.

She lifted her head at a sharp, but soft knock on the door frame, and a smile spread across her lips. "Hey."

Killian grinned at her and held up a bag. "Your mother called me and said you'd probably need something to eat since you missed dinner."

"Hm?" She glanced at the clock and nodded. "Yeah, thanks." She smiled again. "I was just reading this thing and I guess I lost track of time. 

"Well, I can't imagine why. It's ridiculously warm in here, and nothing's been going wrong." He chuckled and set the bag down on the desk, sitting in another chair and watching her. "Anything interesting in there?"

"Yes, but also very much no." Emma opened the bag and glanced at him. "Did she tell you what to get me, too?" She pulled out the wrapped grilled cheese sandwich and bowl of tomato soup. Perfect.

"No. But it's quite cold, so I assumed something warm would be good. I asked the Wolf. She just gave me that, though I'm afraid I don't understand why that would be the perfect thing?"

She smiled at him. "Come over and have some, and then you'll know." She held out half of the sandwich. He scooted the chair over and took, it, looking at her skeptically, but she grabbed his arm before he could lift it to his mouth. "No no. With the soup." 

He blinked, but watched her dip the sandwich into the soup, so he did the same. When he bit into it, his eyes widened. "That's bloody brilliant." 

Emma smiled a little. "See? This is one of the best things about it getting cold. It just seems weird to eat this otherwise."


	33. Storm (11)

"Damnit." Emma shook the snow out of her hair and stomped her feet a bit to get some of the snow off her boots. They had barely made it back to the apartment when the storm hit. Thick, heavy flakes that just seemed to drop from the sky in one massive pile. She looked at Killian, who was trying to brush the snow off as best he could while keeping an eye on the white that coated the ground outside. 

"Well isn't this just bloody fantastic." He muttered and looked at Emma. "I suppose I should go now before it gets worse."

"Nope." She grabbed his hand and started pulling him to the stairs. "You're not going to make it to Granny's without getting thoroughly covered, and then you'll probably get sick. Just stay here."

"Wouldn't that be unwise?" But he wasn't resisting her tugs, and he kept up with her just fine. 

"No one will have a problem with it, and if they do, they won't voice it because they know it'll piss me off." She smiled a little at him before she opened the apartment door.

"Welcome home, Emma." Her mother started, then blinked. "Oh dear. When did it start snowing?"

"As we walked to the door." Emma let go of Killian's hand and pulled off her jacket. She looked at him and smiled a little before she turned back to her mother. "He's staying."

"Of course." There was an awkward moment when Emma thought the other woman was going to come up with some sort of 'but' or excuse why he shouldn't stay, but it never came. Instead she moved to the kitchen and put the kettle on. "You both look like you could use something warm to drink."

Emma nodded once and sat down at the table, motioning for Killian to do the same. He pulled his chair right next to hers and looked at her. She smiled a little and patted his hand. "See?"

"Oh. Your father ran out to the store, so I'm sure he's going to be very unpleasant once he returns." Snow chimed from the kitchen. "He'll probably say something he doesn't mean."

"Or something he does mean, and use his agitation as an excuse." Killian shook his head. "Maybe I should go."

"No." Emma looked at him. "I want you to stay." She knew that would be enough for him, but she also knew it was good to voice those things once in a while. If she was feeling uneasy in this situation, then he was sure to feel more uneasy. So when he nodded and relaxed, she smiled just that much more. 

"I'll get you a change of clothes. You'll probably fit into something of David's." Snow smiled at them. "And will you be sleeping upstairs?"

Emma blinked. She hadn't actually thought that far ahead. "Uh... I guess so." She shrugged. "If Henry was here tonight, I'd say no, but..."

"Oh? I get to sleep with you?" Killian wiggled his eyebrows a little and laughed. "Your father will kill me."

"Well, then maybe we should sneak up there before he gets home." She poked his arm lightly, and as she did so, the door opened and there was an angry mutter as he father came in. "Oh. Too late."

"Too late for...oh." David grimaced as he put his coat on the rack. 

"Evening Mate." Killian grinned and leaned just that much closer to Emma. "Rough out there hm?"

"Yes....why are you still here? Shouldn't you be finding some boat to rock elsewhere?"

"Killian's spending the night because the storm is too much." Emma looked at her father and smiled a bit. "That's not a problem, right?"

Her father looked at her and seemed to wilt. "No...I suppose not. Just don't do anything that makes me cut your other hand off."

"Aye."


	34. Real (41)

Emma shifted a little and felt Killian's arms tighten around her. She kept her eyes closed, though the action had woken her. She tried to remain still, as if asleep, even as the blush darkened her cheeks. He had to know she was awake, but she wasn't going to give him that just yet.

"It's no use, Emma. I already know." 

She cracked one eye open and looked at him. "That obvious?"

"A bit." He grinned, but he made no move to let go or anything. That was just fine by her, since she wasn't too keen on getting up just yet. "I would ask you if you slept well, but considering you clung to be all night...You must have hm?"

"I did not cling all night."

"You absolutely did. Every time I woke, you were still firmly attached to me much like this." He grinned more. "I'm sure it helped that my arms were around you as well."

"Well, then your arms must be awfully sore." She slowly and reluctantly pulled herself out of his hold and sat up, looking down at him with a slightly bemused smile. "Do you need to do some stretches or something?"

"This bed is quite comfortable. I've slept in a much more cramped position for a good long while, so there's no need to worry about me or my muscles, unless you want to rub them?" He grinned.

"Maybe. Not with my parents listening at the bottom of the stairs, though." She grinned a little when there was a 'shh' and some scrambling and 'I told you you were loud!' When the noises got fainter, she lifted a hand and gently rubbed one of his arms. "Though..." She whispered and leaned in really close. "We could mess with them a little."

"I already promised your father I wouldn't do anything that would cause me to lose my other hand." Killian grinned, but he didn't pull away when she kissed him. "Though I could be convinced." He whispered against her lips.

"Mmm. Could you?" She squeezed his arm a little, but not enough to cause anything more than a bit of pressure. 

"Swan, what are you...aaaaah!" He groaned a little when she squeezed too hard. He looked at her with confusion on his face until she grinned more.

"WHAT WAS THAT?" Her father's voice echoed from the bottom of the stairs. 

Emma laughed a little, rubbing Killian's arm again to soothe it. "Nothing!"

"That didn't sound like nothing. Don't make me come up there."

"Ah that's a bad idea, mate." Killian smirked and called down, causing Emma to laugh a little more. She hid her face in his shoulder. 

"David!" Now Snow was yelling, and there was a bit of scuffling. Emma assumed it was just her mother trying to hold her father back. But he clearly broke free, as his feet clanged against the metal stairs. 

Emma smirked and hopped out of the bed, rummaging through some of Henry's things before she pulled out a deck of cards. She quickly opened it and sat across from Killian, handing him several and putting the rest in the middle. By the time her father got up there, they looked to be in the middle of a game of poker. 

"What?" He stared at them.

"I told you it was nothing." Emma looked at him and arched a brow. 

"Then why did he say..." Her father looked at Killian, then at Emma, clearly confused.

"I just said it was a bad idea." Killian grinned a little. "It was, wasn't it? Look at your face, mate. Even Mister Smee's never looked so bewildered." 

David shook his head and went right back down, muttering something or other Emma couldn't quite make out. She laughed again and leaned over to kiss Killian once more. "You should sleep over more often."

"Absolutely not!" Her father yelled from below.


	35. Well (45)

Emma poked at her breakfast as they all sat at the table in relative silence. It had been a little awkward since the stunt with the playing cards, but at the same time it was really only awkward because her father kept shooting Killian these odd looks while they ate. Killian, for his part, was either not paying attention to what he was doing, or he was very good at ignoring the looks. Her mother was not as good because she kept shooting her father a look every time he looked at Killian.

But for all the looks and everything they said or didn't say, it was one of the most relaxing mornings she had in a while. She slept well. She wasn't stressed out at all. She had a pretty good appetite. She didn't feel the need to rush out and run to work. She knew it had to do with the fact that she knew Henry was safe, since he was spending the night at Regina's, and he had texted her shortly after she had gotten home to tell her they were having a mini camp out by the fire place. She was a little jealous of that, but it wasn't like she could have a mini camp out in an apartment with no fireplace.

But she also knew it had to do with the fact that she was able to spend the night with Killian without being drunk or unconscious. She hadn't had something so easy or comfortable in years, not since before Henry was born, so such a simple thing of sitting there and talking, or laying in bed without the pressures to do anything else was just nice.

And so she slept well. She felt good. And she was happy. She smiled a little as she looked over at him. He looked back at her and smiled, too. Maybe he was thinking the same thing she was. Maybe he wasn't. Either way, he looked like he had slept well for the first time in a long time, too, and that was a good sign wasn't it?

"I imagine you have quite a busy day ahead of you, with all the snow?" He asked, looking ridiculously nonchalant with his mug of coffee, not spiked with alcohol for once. 

"Ah, yeah. I guess so." She shrugged. "Mostly in case of accidents or downed power lines or something."

"The plows are already out, it looks like, so at least there's that." Her father chimed in, seemingly uncomfortable with how comfortable and domestic the two of them seemed. "But we should go soon hm?"

Emma looked at him. "We?"

"You don't think you're going to be able to drive that car around in weather like this, do you?"

"So you think we're going to drive around in that truck of yours and fishtail everywhere?" She arched a brow at him. "Really?"

He grinned a little sheepishly. "Good point."


	36. Shrine (15)

Emma stretched a little and looked down at the mountain of coffee cups on the desk. They had been here for several hours, but no one was calling with any emergencies after the big snow. Of course, they couldn't just leave, either, so they alternated coffee and food runs, and Emma had made a makeshift shrine to the coffee gods out of cups and those cardboard holders.

That and she was incredibly bored. 

Killian watched her with an arched brow as she stacked and unstacked the cups. He shook his head a little when she muttered if one fell over.

"What?" She looked over at him, gathering up the cups again and blinking. "I'm just bored. Aren't you bored?"

"Watching you amuse yourself in such a manner is far from boring, love." He grinned a little. "I've never seen to look so intense."

"Ha ha. Very funny" She rolled her eyes and sat back in the chair, stretching her arms above her head. "I don't ever remember it snowing this badly here, so I'm not sure why it did last night. I mean, it is Maine, so it's not unusual, but that much that quickly?"

"Well, I doubt Elsa has come back hm?" He shrugged and looked towards the window. "If it's not unusual for the area, why would it be unusual here?"

"I always just assumed Regina's curse kept his place mild." Emma looked at him.

"But this isn't her curse, now is it?"

"No...I suppose not. Do you think this is my mother's doing?" She sat up a bit straighter. "Not intentionally of course, but she did want to live normally, right?"

"Maybe?" He shrugged a bit. "It did snow when we were dealing with that witch."

"But like this? There's at least three feet out there. I'm not sure that's possible in one night. Do you think it's some new thing coming to cause trouble?" She almost perked up a little at that. For all that she wanted normalcy in her life, there was a tiny part of her that needed to feel useful, and being The Savior was one of the only ways she was able to satisfy that bit.

"Are you just wishing for trouble so you have something to do?" Killian arched a brow at her. "I know you're bored, but isn't that okay once in a while?"

She looked at him and nodded, feeling a bit sheepish. "It's not that I want something to go wrong because that's not okay, I just..."

"You want to feel needed and important. But you know you are needed, and you are important, so there's no need for you to hope for something beyond strange."

"Sometimes you're really annoying, you know that?" 

"Yes. You are an open book, remember?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So loosely/badly/not connected!


	37. Lost (17)

"You promised."

Emma looked at Henry and groaned a bit. "I know, but it's too cold." She shoved her hands deep into her pockets as she walked to the diner with him. "Besides, you're the one that guilted me into that bet anyway."

"And you lost." He grinned as they got inside. "You lost horribly."

"Don't remind me." She shook her head and slid into a booth. "When it gets warmer, and there isn't a ton of snow on the ground, we'll look into it, okay?"

"I'm going to hold you to that." Henry sat across from her and grinned. "I'm going to ask about it as soon as the snow melts."

"You also have school to worry about, kid. Don't get too excited." She shook her head. "Maybe over your spring vacation."

"That's so far away." 

"Yes, well, there's no way I'm pulling you out of school to go on a road trip to D.C. It's just not going to happen."

"Well then we'll just have to fly so it doesn't take as long?"

"Yes because the last flight we went on worked out so well." Emma shook her head and sat back against the seat, lifting her hand to rub her forehead. "Besides, we have more to factor in now, don't we?"

He nodded a bit. "I suppose. I'd want Mom to come so she's not alone, and you have...that guy now..." 

She looked at him and arched a brow. "That guy has a name that you know. You don't have to be weird about it."

Henry shifted a bit and looked somewhat uncomfortable. "I don't know how to talk to him anymore. Not since I made him fall on a bunch of marbles and I told him I didn't like you dating him."

"You told him that?" 

"Not exactly, but I called him a stinky pirate."

Emma laughed a little. "Well, he is a stinky pirate. Besides, you were under the curse. No one's going to be mad at you for the things you say. Look at everyone else and how they behaved."

"I know, but he wasn't...wait. He wasn't under the curse?"

"He didn't have his heart. Gold did, remember?" She shook her head slightly. 

"Yeah, that's weird too. He didn't act like he didn't have a heart. I mean, other people when they lose their hearts lose something else, but he got weirdly excited when I said something about you."

"Oh? What did he say?"

"You lost the bet, so I'm not telling you."


	38. War (26)

"This is a horrible thing to make me watch, Emma." Killian pouted as they sat and watched the movie. "So utterly depressing. How do you stand these sort of things?"

Emma looked at him and pouted a little. "But Saving Private Ryan is a really good movie, and I just wanted to watch it."

He looked at her, and when he arched a brow as if he doubted that, she pouted more until he caved and curled his arm around her. "All right. I understand." 

"Besides, there are only so many things we can watch on this old thing." She motioned to the station TV, shaking her head a little. "Maybe now that things are settling down, I can start putting upgrades into the budget." She leaned a little closer to him and focused on the screen.

He must have just nodded since she felt him move a little before he rested his cheek against the top of her head.

By the end of it, she wiped a few stray tears from her eyes and glanced up at him, blinking a little. He was clearly trying to keep from crying, as he blinked and opened his eyes wide. She smiled a bit and poked his side. "If you do, I won't tell."

"If I do what? I'm not doing anything." He cleared his throat a little and tried to sit up a little straighter, as if that would have done anything.

"If you say so." She kissed him and stood, moving to take the video out. It wasn't ideal, that was for sure, but she had the later shift tonight, and with very little to do, Killian had brought her dinner and they decided to watch whatever movies they found lying around. And now that it was over, she didn't really feel like subjecting him to Blackhawk Down.

Besides, it was times like this that she really enjoyed being at work and out of the house. If they had tried to watch something at the apartment, they would never have had a moment's peace. "Hey, Killian..."

"Hm?"

"If I were to get my own apartment, would you be comfortable staying over sometimes?" It probably seemed like the most random question considering, but she had been thinking about it since their first real date. "I mean like the other night when you stayed with me during the storm."

"I would be honored." He winked. "And your father couldn't threaten me as easily hm?"

She blushed just slightly at what that might have meant. "No, I suppose he couldn't."


	39. Black (16)

"Maybe you should try another color." Emma stood in front of Killian, arms crossed as she watched him look himself over in the mirror for the third time. Well, the third time for this black pair of jeans. Everything he grabbed and pulled into the changing room was black. Black jeans. Black slacks. Black shirts and tee shirts. Black sweaters. All black. 

"Why?" He looked at her. "This one's good isn't it?"

"It's black."

"Yes, and?"

"Try something else." She shook her head a little and looked at him. 

"I look devastatingly handsome in black, so I see no need to change that." He went back into the changing room and Emma rolled her eyes. 

She walked away and grabbed some shirts in all sorts of colors, walking back to the door and waiting for him. And when he opened it, she practically shoved him back in, colored shirts and all. "Try these on."

"Why? I think the rest are just fine."

"And these aren't black. Just do it." She stepped back and looked at him evenly when he looked at her defiantly.

"And if I don't?"

"Then I won't let you kiss me for a week."

He opened his mouth to protest, but he seemed to think better of it and shut the door. "You play dirty."

"I learned from you."


	40. Flash (13)

Emma sipped her coffee from her mug as she looked out the window and watched the snow fall. This was nothing like the storm the other day, but it was unusual in its own right. With another muted flash and the low rumble of thunder, she shook her head a little. She had heard of thundersnow, but she had never actually experienced it until today.

It was weird, since the snow wasn't anything different, but the presence of the lightning and thunder just made it fascinating.

It also made the night a little more tolerable, as she was stuck here for at least another hour. Her father had to leave early to help with the baby, since he seemed to have a cold and her mother was freaking out. Killian was at the apartment with Henry watching some movie or another. And so she was alone, which was fine now that she had something to watch.

Not that watching the snow prevented her from thinking about how different things were now from last year, or even a month ago. At least one thing was certain: ever since Henry knocked on her door in Boston, she never felt like her life was at a standstill. Even being bored occasionally was a vast improvement over the life she used to live.

Another flash of lightning and rumble of thunder, and Emma walked back into her office and looked at the book on her desk. It was the third one from the pile she had taken from the library, but she was no closer to finding anything that would help Regina find her happy ending than she had been days ago. It was frustrating, but at the same time it only made her understand things a little more: Regina needed to make her own happy ending, and while Emma could help, she couldn't do it for her.

She just hoped Regina could find it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't be alarmed if my updates are sporadic over the next few weeks. Exam time is very busy. I will probably be trying to work on some longer fics.


	41. Villain (19)

"Do you still consider me a villain?" Regina asked suddenly, and Emma almost choked on her beer. They were sitting at the bar at Granny's, as they had been every few nights, and that question just seemed to come out of nowhere. She just looked at the other woman and blinked, mostly as she tried to regain herself after the almost choke. 

"Where did that come from? You haven't said anything like that in a while." Emma glanced at her. "Really Regina. Did someone say something to you?"

"No." The other woman shook her head. "I just feel discouraged, that's all."

Emma nodded once. "I understand. You feel like the lack of progress is only proving that you don't deserve happiness, right?" When Regina nodded a little, Emma smiled at her. "If it came too easily, it wouldn't be true happiness."

"Everyone else seems to get it right away." She muttered.

"Ok. I get that. And it's so frustrating to see all the happy couples, I mean I know Killian and I seem to be included in that too, but think about it for a second. For us, at least, look at what we each went through individually before we ended up being together. And even now neither of us make it totally easy on each other. I pull back, he hid that whole heart thing from me." Emma slid her fingers over the rim of her glass and shook her head. "It's hard work, trying to fit with someone else. And you know you can do that. You're still hurt because of Robin, but Regina you did a good thing."

"I always hurt when I do good things." Regina shook her head and looked at Emma. "It didn't hurt when I did bad things."

"It did hurt. You just didn't acknowledge it." Emma shook her head. "You used to channel your energy into your revenge. Now you're trying to keep from doing that, and yeah it hurts. It sucks. I know that very well, but it's precisely because it sucks that it shows you're not a villain."

"I don't know..."

"What would you have done if you were the same as when I first met you? You would have killed Marion, or let her die. You didn't. You tried to help her even though it hurt you." Emma patted her arm a little. "You're a good person. And I think you have a harder time seeing that because you're scared."

Regina looked at her. "When did you get to be so insightful?"

"Look at my boyfriend." Emma grinned just a bit. "It's impossible not to see these things when you're dating a centuries-old pirate captain."

"Valid point." Regina actually smiled a little. "And you really believe it? Well, of course you do. You're not the type of person to say something like that. Henry is the same way."

"And if Henry believes in you, then that's a pretty good sign right? He believes in you a lot more than he believes in Killian." She shook her head. "At least he's not calling you names and spreading marbles all over the floor so you'll hurt yourself."

Regina laughed a little. "There is that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D I figured I had it in me to take a break from the longer thing I'm working on to do a quick one, so here it is!


	42. Burn (32)

Killian hissed as Emma carefully wrapped the gauze bandage around his arm. She glanced up at him and at the wince he seemed to have thought was a good look for him. "I know it hurts, but you're the one who burned yourself."

"I'm not exactly accustomed to cooking, love. I didn't know this would happen." He looked at her and pouted, just slightly, as if he was trying to gain enough sympathy to coax a kiss or two out of her. 

But Emma just shook her head and finished bandaging up his arm, gently pressing the medical tape down to seal it. "Well, then I don't know what to tell you. There was no need for you to try to cook in the first place."

"I wanted to do something for you, since you seemed a bit down."

She looked at him again and blinked. "I did?" That idea somehow shocked her more than coming home to see Killian at the stove trying to make dinner. "Why?"

"You just did." He shrugged a little and looked off to the side as if that was the only real explanation he had, which means it was something else entirely, and he either didn't want to upset her or was embarrassed by it.

"Killian, you know I can tell." 

He kept his gaze off for a moment before he let out a rather dramatic sigh and looked at her again. "I wanted to feel useful."

Emma's eyes widened just a little. Since when had he been like this? Of course, she hadn't exactly seen him for extended periods of time lately, and when they had a chance to do something, they usually just watched a movie and one of them (usually her) fell asleep in the middle of it. But still. How did she not see it when she knows exactly how it felt? She reached out and took his hand, at a bit of a loss as to what to say, though he had comforted her when she felt the same way just a short time ago. "Killian..."

"I hide it much better than you do, Emma." He grinned a little, but the expression soon faded. "I know you're going to say I do a lot. I help Belle when I can, or I have been trying to help Dave, but that's not what I mean." He looked down at their hands for a moment before he shook his head once. "I mean towards you."

"Me?" She didn't know if she should be upset that he felt useless to her when that was the complete opposite of what he was or that she should be upset with herself for somehow making him feel that way. "You're saying this when all you've been is useful and helpful? I don't understand, really. Did someone say something to you?"

He grimaced a bit. There it was. Someone must have started this. It just seemed too sudden, and even though he claimed to hide things better, he really wasn't good at hiding things from her at all. Maybe she couldn't read him as well as he could read her, but she could definitely tell when something was wrong, and something hadn't been wrong until today. 

"Who was it? My mother? My father?"

"No." He shook his head. "It's nothing."

"It's not nothing if you're lying to me to try to spare my feelings." She kept a hold on his hand and leaned in closer. "Killian. Did Henry say something to you?" That was the only logical reason, right? If it wasn't her parents, then Killian really wouldn't have cared if someone made a snide comment, so that left Henry. And since Killian only looked away again, she knew it had to be him. "What did he say to you? If he was mean..."

"It wasn't like that." Killian denied it almost too quickly, but before Emma could continue to question him, he shrugged. "I don't even really think he meant it the way it seemed, since he's just a kid, and it was an offhanded remark." He made a bit of a face at his own words, and Emma sighed.

"I'll talk to him." She shook her head. "He shouldn't be saying things about this to make you feel bad." She lifted her other hand and ran a finger along his hook. "That's what it was, wasn't it? He probably said or asked you something about it, about how you can't do as much like this, and you took it as you being useless because of it?" She smiled a little and leaned in even more. "Well, you're right. He's just a kid. He doesn't know exactly how useful you are." She kissed him.

He clearly wasn't expecting that, as his eyes widened, but he responded in kind, as always. "Emma?"

"You don't hide things as well as you think you do." She kissed him again and sat back. "Don't worry about what Henry says. He's just trying to protect me because he doesn't think you're good enough."

"I'm not."

"Oh stop. No one gets to make that decision for me except for me, and I've already decided you are."


	43. Vanish (03)

The conversation from the other day certainly seemed to help, as Killian's pessimism and somewhat obvious need to try to help with everything completely vanished. Emma was certain he was in a much better mood, but she knew part of that was also because Henry apologized to him. On his own, even, though she did at least talk to him about what he said to make Killian feel bad in the first place.

It was such a simple thing, but the air seemed so much lighter, and as she sat and watched him from across the table at Granny's she felt the smile come to her lips. That apology had gone so well that Henry was busily chatting away with Killian, and he looked just as comfortable talking to him as he ever did. It was enough to make some of her own anxieties fade. Not that she ever voiced them, but there was that part of her that was worried Henry would never accept him. After all, he finally had a father, then lost him, then had him again for a few days, and then lost him. Again. 

She stirred her coffee a little and glanced down at her eggs while the two talked. Something about sailing. Something about stars. There was some smooth line in there about her position as a start or something. She felt Killian's eyes on her right after, and Henry grinned and nudged her side. 

"You hear that mom? Isn't that pretty corny?" 

Emma smiled a little. "What do you expect from someone who still doesn't quite understand the TV?" But her smile brightened a little as she looked at Killian. He opened his mouth for some sort of retort, but he clearly thought better of it, since he just shrugged and grinned at her. 

"I don't need to watch that when I can watch you."

"Corny and a little creepy." Henry laughed before he stood up and pulled his bag over his shoulder. "All right. I can't be late for school. Bye mom. Bye Killian." He half waved as he turned to head out the door.

Killian glanced in Henry's direction when the kid left, but once the door opened, he looked back at Emma and arched a brow. "Creepy?"

"It was a joke because you said something about watching me. That's all."

"Hm." He sat back in the chair. "If I said stare, wouldn't that be worse?"

"You do stare." Emma poked at her eggs, but she was smiling still.

"Only when I think you're not looking." He chuckled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long for another one! I'll be posting something else today, too! :O


	44. Fast (35)

"Don't you think you're moving a little too quickly?" 

Emma looked up at her father as he watched her from across the table. Her mother was still standing in the kitchen, preparing breakfast, but she didn't turn to look at Emma after that question.

"What?" She blinked a little, completely unsure where he was going with that.

"You're moving too quickly." Her father leveled his gaze on her. "With Hook."

"Excuse me?" She frowned a little. So that was where he was going. "How can you even think that? We've only gone on a few official dates."

"Aren't you trying to find an apartment together?" He seemed less than pleased to ask the question.

Emma's brows furrowed slightly as she looked at him. That was moving too quickly? He was concerned that she might potentially be looking to move in with her boyfriend? "First of all, that doesn't matter. Second, why is that moving too quickly?"

"It's not. Your father is just being over protective, and I'm sure he assumes that if you two move in together, there will be babies and marriage in the near future."

"Ooooh. Like you two." Emma shook her head and stood. "I really don't think you need to worry about it. It's not like I haven't already had a child." She frowned a little. "I'm not having this conversation with you." She stepped away from the table.

"Emma, I just—"

"No. Stop." She grabbed her jacket and glanced over her shoulder at him. "I'm an adult. If I want to move in with him. I will. If I don't want to. I won't. Period. End of story." She stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I don't even know, but now that the hiatus is over, I want to get this done! :D


	45. Ocean (05)

As Emma sat on the beach, her knees pulled up to her chest, she realized that storming out and coming to a place that was pretty cold, but not quite frozen was probably not the best idea. There were so many other places she could have gone to calm down, but the beach was the first place that came to her mind.

Well, the ocean, more like it, but she wasn't going to go sit in the water, and it's not like taking a row boat out during this kind of cold was a good idea.

She rested her chin on her knees and watched the small waves roll in. She wouldn't stay out here long, just long enough for her annoyance to subside. She was so focused on the waves that she didn't even hear Killian coming, so when he dropped a blanket around her shoulders, she jumped and almost fell over.

"Sorry, Love. I didn't want to start shouting across the way at you. You seemed pretty lost in thought."

Emma looked at him and smiled, that earlier annoyance seeming to just melt away. "Yeah, well..." She reached up for him. "Help me up hm?"

Killian took her hand in his and pulled her to her feet, grinning a bit as she fell into his chest a little. "So what has such a pretty lass out here looking so vexed, hm? This isn't exactly a warm place to be alone with your thoughts."

"I just felt like coming here." She shrugged, still not letting go of his hand even as she used the other one to fix the blanket around her shoulders. "My dad said something pretty stupid, so I got annoyed and came here to calm down."

"Well, you also came here apparently to get a chill, so let's get you inside and warmed up, hm?" 

She nodded and hugged his arm a bit, leaning against him as they walked towards the harbor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My brain is broken! ; ;


	46. Sky (39)

"I shouldn't really be mad about it, should I?" Emma sat at the window and looked out at the darkening sky, her hands wrapped around a mug of hot cocoa. She told Killian what had happened, and while he was good at listening quietly, it was also a bit unnerving when he didn't say anything. 

"Do you think you should be mad? Maybe you don't if you're asking me." He shrugged.

Emma turned away from the window to look at him, her lips pursing just slightly. That was an obnoxious answer, wasn't it? "Well, would you be mad?"

"Perhaps."

"Killian. That's not helpful."

"Part of me understands his over-beating protection. The other part of me is focused on the fact that your mother seems to have no problem with it. I can't help but feel a little good about that."

Emma blinked. She had been so annoyed with her dad for the things he said that she hadn't even really thought about her mother saying it wasn't moving too quickly. She looked back out at the sky and shook her head. "I think she was just trying to pacify me."

"Even so, she didn't act like it was an issue, right?" He moved to her side and rested his hand on her shoulder.

"No, but it's about to be an issue." She nodded to the way the clouds seemed to have darkened to the point where light couldn't even affect them. "I don't think I'll be going back to the apartment today." Lightning flashed and a loud clap of thunder sounded almost immediately after. 

"I suppose not."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really need to just finish these. :o


End file.
